The Day of the Surgery

Looking back from the day of the operation,

My scheduled time for the surgery was at 11:30, but I waited for over two hours in order to be admitted. Anxiety and fear engulfed around me as the moments before the surgery became closer and closer. I didn't want neither my mom nor my boyfriend to leave my side, but my boyfriend kept on wanting to go outside. When the clock hit 1:00pm it was time. I had to say my last goodbye to my mom as they took me to the operating room. This moment takes me back to when I was maybe about 5 or 6, when I had no idea what was going on but all I remembered was crying and I didn't want to let go of my mom when I was getting an operation for a cyst on my leg. No matter how much indifferences we have between each other I do love her a lot since she's been there for me when I really needed her.

The Filipino nurses and anesthesiologist reassured me that I was in good hands, because they told me "don't worry you are in the Philippines we are here to take care of you." Believe it or not, they both reminded of my mom since she is also a nurse. The operating room was cold and unusually bright, like a heavenly light. The nurses were relentlessly slapping both of my arms for about 10 minutes in order to find a vein, which basically delayed the operation. All I remember was the anesthesiologist putting on the gas mask and she kept on asking me whether or not I was sleepy and I kept resisting for a couple of minutes. I was waiting for her to insert the long pointy needle in my groin, because I thought they were going to inject the nerve block first before the general anesthesia. They told me that they had to take off the other needle in my arm when I am asleep. At that moment I honestly thought that I was going to wake up during the operation, this condition is known as anesthesia awareness. Those critical moments before I fell asleep, that was when I knew I had to let go and let God. All I remembered was I started praying as I was falling asleep and then I blacked out.

Mind you all, I am usually good at tolerating intense pain even after I tore my ACL I was walking around Palisades mall hiding the pain from my boyfriend and roommates and those who know me know that I had twisted my ankle numerous times in the ast. BUT The pain after the operation was an extremely intense pain I had never felt before in my life. Trust me all of the morphine, IV medication, and percocets did not take away the intense pain of the surgeon cutting your body open. The ride from Manhattan to NJ was alright, I didn't feel carsick nor any nausea from the surgery at all. It was hard for me to even get out of the car and walk into the house once we got home, because the anesthesia was still wearing off so I didn't really have any motor coordination.